Don't Be Mad At Her!

When infidelity becomes the topic- who is truly the blame? Do you blame the unfaithful man, or the snake in the grass woman. In some incenses it is both who are responsible for their actions but ultimately it is always-always the man who is at fault. When your in a relationship/ marriage your allegiance is to your partner. Outsiders don't owe you jack. Sure, we would love for people in society to have some form of standards and a distinct reproach from things that are unacceptable. But, some don't. Most people are selfish and have no regards for the individuals they hurt, the children who lie in the balance, the homes that will become dismantled; no sense of responsibility for the breakdown of family structure in America. Even though, if someone did these same acts to them they would be appalled. The man has the ultimate responsibility and that is-- he keeps his head where it belongs (pun intended.) I can most definitely empathize and understand all the temptations that lurk in the deep corners of a man's mind, but, in his mind is where it should stay. Okay fellas let's be honest- 75-80% of you all are not having panties thrown at your feet on a constant basis. So most likely, the woman you cheat on us with- are not one of those "it just happened," type of situations. You guys worked on those cookies-- long and hard. And, after you've achieve this goal of betrayal and deceit, you go home and smile in your families face. This is why it is your fault! You had the ability to stop, you didn't. You could've not rented that hotel room, but you did! You could have remembered your partner, how beautiful she is inside and out, how she nurses you when you are ill, how she cooks for you, how she is your counselor, your financial planner, your religious leader, a mother, a friend, a lawyer, a garden of beauty, she is your house-when there's no place like home, your LOL SMILEY FACE, your shelter from rain, but, you did not think of that did you? Or perhaps you did, but still the act was committed. what ever you did or did not think about- you turned your back on the person who loves you best. It is the woman’s fault to a small degree- notably most because she did not respect herself nor a fellow woman. But, as stated earlier his alliance is with you.

So if you are ever faced with this terrible trial in life, remember this- put the blame on the blamee... he did it- he allowed another woman to break the bond that you two have built-and it is he that should be held responsible.

He/She Cheated on Me: What pains more the Betrayal or the Hurt?

Often in relationships they end in-- or encounter some form of "Betrayal or Hurts." In dealing with infidelity, lies and deceit we are often stuck trying to figure out what is bothering us most, sometimes its both--the betrayal and the pain. "How could the one person I trusted most, do this to me?" "What did I do wrong?" "Will I ever trust again?" All these and many more questions lurk through the minds of those who are betrayed. The pain and the disappointment of knowing the individual you look at , share a life with, and lay next to for times of comfort and joy could possible break your heart. Well, they do and they can. It happens everyday. It happens in 10 month relationships to 40 year marriages. But, what hurts the most-- Betrayal or Pain?

Betrayal- as defined means " To divulge in a breach of confidence, commit treason against." Treason! That's a deep word--but totally appropriate. When in love we give not only our hearts, but our souls, our very spirits-and they take them as a "given" and abuse all aspects of the relationship. To be betrayed by the person who knows you best, to look into your eyes, and profess to never allow anyone or anything to hurt you and then for them themselves to be that "anyone or anything," is a "gut punch" to say the least. "How could you?" Thats a question commonly asked but never answered. When I say never answered I mean this; the "cheater" will always offered up so excuse be it valid or not--the answer they cough up will never be good enough nor will the person who has been cheated on ever feel as if you've given them a good reason, so it is as if the "cheatee" is still being cheated because the "cheater" never answered the question of "How?" Betrayal is the worst form of heartbreak. It can often cause the "cheatee" to never, ever trust a person ever again. And, in the end the "cheater" has ruined someones life far beyond the initial damage.It's easy to do the wrong thing--its harder to do the right.

Hurt-"To cause mental or emotional suffering to; distress." The hurt is the one part of the experience the person will never get over. You can move on in the relationship via. forgiveness or you can enter into a relationship of new; but, the pain will always exist. You may think you are over the experience-but it will only take one nostalgic moment to bring you back to the pain and hurt experienced at the hands of that person. Hurt is not just emotional but mental. The "cheatee," will often play moments in their heads to try and figure out the "whens, wheres, and hows?" Was it the time I was sick and you rushed off to a so called "emergent meeting?" Perhaps when you told me the car had broke down and I was dressed and ready for our date to the movies. All these thoughts cause "hurts." Why would someone forsake the goodness of another person for moments of self gratification. More times than not, the person your mate cheated on you with has not and will never go the miles or the distance you have gone for this individual-which makes it hurt all the more. I've died in your Heart- So leave in their arms.

In the end...all of it hurts, there's no "especially," in matters of being deceived and played for a fool. Betrayal is one of the many words that describes thousands of emotions. A cheater doesn't care nor do they think about the damage they can--or have caused their partners life---until they are caught! Their apologies, sorries, "please don't leaves" would have never taken face, had it not been for the ultimate snag and that is "getting caught!" Although they know what they are doing is wrong and it could ruin their future in their relationships, it doesn't matter, they want what they want. And, they get what they deserve when the "cheatee" decides to walk off and leave their behinds--behind! Forgiveness is a personal choice- and I must admit it is a risky one. But, I sincerely applaud any person who can forgive and attempt to move forward for it takes a "special" kind of person to do so. There is never a good reason to lie, cheat nor deceive but if you'r ever caught on the losing end these verbs, remember its okay to cry, its okay to hurt, its okay to feel all the emotions of losing someone- because essentially you are burring the person they were and they have been resurrected into the person they are. You must grieve. But, after the rain- comes rainbows. No one deserves to be mislead or mistreated, and as you begin to heal-let go of the anger you feel against them. Instead direct it into love. Love for your life, love of your family, and complete love of yourself. Life has many chapters, some drama, some romance, some funny, some heartache, but they all are apart of the book that makes you, we are not all promised a "happily ever after," but we are for sure promised to have what we deserve, and you deserve better! - Trina B

YOU WOULD BE MY BOYFRIEND, IF I DIDNT ALREADY HAVE ONE

With the growing amount of polygamous relationships, there is no wonder why songs such as Pleasure P’s ”Boyfriend #2” and Jasmine Sullivan’s “Switch” can keep toes tapping and ringtones popping. Today’s women are showing, being a dog can be a real bitch. Long are the days of women standing by aimlessly watching as their men cheat and deceive, the 21st century shows you that the Lady is indeed a tramp. Popularity is growing with a vast number of women “dipping out” on their relationships to “jump off,” with others, but why? Taking the time to speak with several women these were the top reasons I was given (men pay attention):

1. “He cheated first!” Some women say that the hurt and disappointment (they have become all too familiar with) has caused distrust in their relationships. They feel that they could never put all their “eggs in one basket,” so if they find their significant other cheating, they will be well prepared the second time—armed with a “Jody” aka “plan B.”


2. “Great Man, Bad Lover!” Although they love their man and he is the greatest person they have ever met, “he” is just not fulfilling their sexual needs. They run to the “guy on the side,” for greater sexual gratification.


3. “Q.T. (quality time), what the hell is that?” This was the most common response. These women are starved for attention and feel underappreciated, due to the lack of time they spend with their partner. Some of them even sneak their “boy toys,” into their homes, under their sheets and find it ever so rewarding that there man doesn’t even know—the white stains on the sheets did not come from using Powdered Tide, when washing clothes.

Cheating, Lying and Sneaking is now a team sport. Women have long exchanged their aprons for suits, but they have also decided “anything he can do, I can get away with,” The victim is now the perpetrator. Watch out, men! There is a brand new trend in town and it cost more than a trip to Neman Marcus. You have lost you ability to be a “bad boy” and keep a “good girl.”

If your sex game is weak and you know it, ask her how to step it up. If you have a smaller penal size, pray to the penis God (monotheism) to get a larger one—over night, or… talk to your Doctor. Learn to use toys that are stimulating and pleasing,
If you don’t she will find a Mandingo that will.


Mr. Rabbit, life is not a fairy tale. Alice will not stay in Wonderland if you have no time to say, “Hello—Goodbye!” There are many pressing concerns that take a man’s day, working, playing, and socializing with Craig and them; these things are hard work, but—take care of home first, before someone else gets your time.

Honesty is best when you enter a relationship, cheating is a difficult task. It takes less energy to tell the truth. If you and your partner truly enjoy having romantic relationships outside of the commitment you two share, perhaps explore becoming “swingers” or have an “open relationship.” Just keep in mind two wrongs don’t make a right, but two truths provide a happy life.

-Written by, Trina B.
Hushhh Publications. All rights reserved (17-7-09)