Don't Be Mad At Her!

When infidelity becomes the topic- who is truly the blame? Do you blame the unfaithful man, or the snake in the grass woman. In some incenses it is both who are responsible for their actions but ultimately it is always-always the man who is at fault. When your in a relationship/ marriage your allegiance is to your partner. Outsiders don't owe you jack. Sure, we would love for people in society to have some form of standards and a distinct reproach from things that are unacceptable. But, some don't. Most people are selfish and have no regards for the individuals they hurt, the children who lie in the balance, the homes that will become dismantled; no sense of responsibility for the breakdown of family structure in America. Even though, if someone did these same acts to them they would be appalled. The man has the ultimate responsibility and that is-- he keeps his head where it belongs (pun intended.) I can most definitely empathize and understand all the temptations that lurk in the deep corners of a man's mind, but, in his mind is where it should stay. Okay fellas let's be honest- 75-80% of you all are not having panties thrown at your feet on a constant basis. So most likely, the woman you cheat on us with- are not one of those "it just happened," type of situations. You guys worked on those cookies-- long and hard. And, after you've achieve this goal of betrayal and deceit, you go home and smile in your families face. This is why it is your fault! You had the ability to stop, you didn't. You could've not rented that hotel room, but you did! You could have remembered your partner, how beautiful she is inside and out, how she nurses you when you are ill, how she cooks for you, how she is your counselor, your financial planner, your religious leader, a mother, a friend, a lawyer, a garden of beauty, she is your house-when there's no place like home, your LOL SMILEY FACE, your shelter from rain, but, you did not think of that did you? Or perhaps you did, but still the act was committed. what ever you did or did not think about- you turned your back on the person who loves you best. It is the woman’s fault to a small degree- notably most because she did not respect herself nor a fellow woman. But, as stated earlier his alliance is with you.

So if you are ever faced with this terrible trial in life, remember this- put the blame on the blamee... he did it- he allowed another woman to break the bond that you two have built-and it is he that should be held responsible.

He/She Cheated on Me: What pains more the Betrayal or the Hurt?

Often in relationships they end in-- or encounter some form of "Betrayal or Hurts." In dealing with infidelity, lies and deceit we are often stuck trying to figure out what is bothering us most, sometimes its both--the betrayal and the pain. "How could the one person I trusted most, do this to me?" "What did I do wrong?" "Will I ever trust again?" All these and many more questions lurk through the minds of those who are betrayed. The pain and the disappointment of knowing the individual you look at , share a life with, and lay next to for times of comfort and joy could possible break your heart. Well, they do and they can. It happens everyday. It happens in 10 month relationships to 40 year marriages. But, what hurts the most-- Betrayal or Pain?

Betrayal- as defined means " To divulge in a breach of confidence, commit treason against." Treason! That's a deep word--but totally appropriate. When in love we give not only our hearts, but our souls, our very spirits-and they take them as a "given" and abuse all aspects of the relationship. To be betrayed by the person who knows you best, to look into your eyes, and profess to never allow anyone or anything to hurt you and then for them themselves to be that "anyone or anything," is a "gut punch" to say the least. "How could you?" Thats a question commonly asked but never answered. When I say never answered I mean this; the "cheater" will always offered up so excuse be it valid or not--the answer they cough up will never be good enough nor will the person who has been cheated on ever feel as if you've given them a good reason, so it is as if the "cheatee" is still being cheated because the "cheater" never answered the question of "How?" Betrayal is the worst form of heartbreak. It can often cause the "cheatee" to never, ever trust a person ever again. And, in the end the "cheater" has ruined someones life far beyond the initial damage.It's easy to do the wrong thing--its harder to do the right.

Hurt-"To cause mental or emotional suffering to; distress." The hurt is the one part of the experience the person will never get over. You can move on in the relationship via. forgiveness or you can enter into a relationship of new; but, the pain will always exist. You may think you are over the experience-but it will only take one nostalgic moment to bring you back to the pain and hurt experienced at the hands of that person. Hurt is not just emotional but mental. The "cheatee," will often play moments in their heads to try and figure out the "whens, wheres, and hows?" Was it the time I was sick and you rushed off to a so called "emergent meeting?" Perhaps when you told me the car had broke down and I was dressed and ready for our date to the movies. All these thoughts cause "hurts." Why would someone forsake the goodness of another person for moments of self gratification. More times than not, the person your mate cheated on you with has not and will never go the miles or the distance you have gone for this individual-which makes it hurt all the more. I've died in your Heart- So leave in their arms.

In the end...all of it hurts, there's no "especially," in matters of being deceived and played for a fool. Betrayal is one of the many words that describes thousands of emotions. A cheater doesn't care nor do they think about the damage they can--or have caused their partners life---until they are caught! Their apologies, sorries, "please don't leaves" would have never taken face, had it not been for the ultimate snag and that is "getting caught!" Although they know what they are doing is wrong and it could ruin their future in their relationships, it doesn't matter, they want what they want. And, they get what they deserve when the "cheatee" decides to walk off and leave their behinds--behind! Forgiveness is a personal choice- and I must admit it is a risky one. But, I sincerely applaud any person who can forgive and attempt to move forward for it takes a "special" kind of person to do so. There is never a good reason to lie, cheat nor deceive but if you'r ever caught on the losing end these verbs, remember its okay to cry, its okay to hurt, its okay to feel all the emotions of losing someone- because essentially you are burring the person they were and they have been resurrected into the person they are. You must grieve. But, after the rain- comes rainbows. No one deserves to be mislead or mistreated, and as you begin to heal-let go of the anger you feel against them. Instead direct it into love. Love for your life, love of your family, and complete love of yourself. Life has many chapters, some drama, some romance, some funny, some heartache, but they all are apart of the book that makes you, we are not all promised a "happily ever after," but we are for sure promised to have what we deserve, and you deserve better! - Trina B

DATE SWAP: NEW REALITY SHOW; LADIES SWAP CITIES TO FIND LOVE

FOR ALL MY LADIES; who say that they can't find a romantic relationship that works for them in their city;perhaps you should watch "Holidate." The show will premiere on Soap Net and it features two ladies one from the west coast & the other from the east (Tai Beauchamp.) The moved into each others homes and date each others friends. It was based off the movie"The Holiday." To hear more follow the link below:

http://omg.yahoo.com/videos/swapping-cities-in-search-of-mr-right/8251

***************UPDATE*******************

The young lady photoed above Tai Beauchamp,well... according to the budget fashionista.com; she is the Deputy Editor at Vibe Vixen Magazine here is what they say about Ms. Beauchamp,

• "Tai Beauchamp KNOWS fashion and beauty. As the Deputy Editor of Vibe Vixen Magazine, she oversees the editorial direction of the magazine. Prior to VIBE Vixen, Tai served as the Beauty Director of Seventeen Magazine and was a founding Beauty Editor of O, The Oprah Magazine. Tai’s also worked in the fashion and beauty departments of Harper’s Bazaar and Good Housekeeping Magazine.

Umm Uhhh..just when I thought this show catered to the everyday woman. Oh,well ladies!

Sex, Lust,& Video Tape: Trey Songz Cums Hard

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Two for the Price of One: Why is Hairdressers Doubling as Relationship Therapist?

It’s a trend that has been going on since bumper curls, and straightening combs; “my hairdresser, my therapist.” Many times women don’t feel comfortable talking to their close friends and family about their personal relationships. Most likely for good reason, bad advice, or fear of reviling secrets in their relationship double has a vaccination, for talking about wounds that time has healed, (Example: Jody has cheated on you in the past, but you’ve never told a soul. ) You probably never told anyone because of:

• A.) The family loves him and you would not want to taint their image of him due to his mistake, (Everyone makes mistakes, Right?)
  

• B.) Everyone hates him and told you he was the worst choice you’ve made, (since drinking light and dark liquors at the same time.)
  

• C.) You too embarrassed to ever admit that you are having the same issues that your single girlfriends, or bad relationship girlfriends are having.
  

• Whatever you’re reasoning is the hair stylist is neutral territory. He/she is the one person whose judgment doesn’t go any further than the shops chair. They have no connection to your personal friends (most time) and your secrets are safe, (*Side Note: this article is not about the trouble making, big mouthed hair dressers we know exist, because in reality they are far and few between.) Women love to sit in the chair and release all their pressures; mental, physically and spiritually. Hairstylists across the world are acting out the roles of paid psychiatrist. They are expected to listen attentively, and ask probing question to cause the individual to and & aid you in rethinking your position. While treating your mane they are helping you plan, and put life into focus. Happily, hairdressers pass their time while listening to you; and while they hear you, they begin to draw from their own life experiences. So in reality the patient becomes the Dr. and vice-versa. Two for the price of one has a literal has well as a metaphoric meaning.
  

• If you are one who can’t wait to sit in the beauticians chair and let go of all your life’s troubles, perhaps you should take into consideration that there are professional you can talk to about life, love and relationships and your weavologist or whatever you refer to her as, may have her own issues, and yours is not one of them.
  

• Cosmetologist, you have two talents, one of course is making beautiful women feel more wonderful, and the other is the gift for being attentive and patient with their troubles. But, keep it in prospective. Listen without lending opinions from personal experience—as not to be the blame of poor outcomes.
  

• When it comes to love and life, you may travel many paths some roads are bumpy and some rather smooth, but it is the decisions that you make along the way that defines the method of travel. Be an ear for everyone, but remember your ears are closer to your own lips. Listen and trust yourself before you seek the advice of others, chances are you know the answer, you are just looking for confirmation. –Trina B.
  

• Hushhh Publications. All rights reserved 29-08-09
  
  

Bust it Baby: He said, she said; I am going to Do Me.

• It seems that no one is above, close friends and family minding their business, not even rapper Lil’ Wayne and actress Lauren London. With rumors circulating for months on the relevancy of gossip & grape vine talk, that was; the dimpled beauty is pregnant by Mr. “I wish I could fuck every girl in the world,” that could never satisfy the thirst of mass media to “hurray” with gleam when disparity or misfortune falls upon the news desk. It is now running amok all over the internet that, Lauren’s baby may not be fathered by Lil’ Wayne. It is also being said, that current other baby carrier and former singer, Nivea and ex-wife Toya are stirring the irons in the fire. But, statements from Lil’ Wayne are resounding loud and clear, he doesn’t care what they say, “I am the pappy!” No Maury show, no DNA just trust and love, that’s the most beautiful compliment any women can ever have; the unnerving trust and stability that no matter what anyone says, “you know me and I know you.” That’s the security relationships are made of. But, too often this is not the outcome. More likely men listen to negative talk by the closest people to him, and cause discord in an otherwise healthy relationship. When are talk just words and letters?
  

• Ignoring momma’s warnings and homeboys cautions are sometimes the hardest thing for a man to do. Often, in his heart he is 100% dedicated to the situation, but the constant tug-a-war between life time members and life partners causes him to make bad decisions. Woman we must stay strong and consistently remind him, that infidelity is a word left to those who are without honor. If he ask for a DNA test, (in a respectful way Fellas) give it to him. This means more to him then you. Not because he doesn’t trust YOU, but he wants those around him to silence there chatter. If he doesn’t that’s fine too, but—give thought to the fact he could be tortured by these people ill thoughts for years to come and if you step up to quiet the Nay Sayers, you will being doing you entire family a great service.
  

• It is always touchy and hurtful when your promiscuity and fetus are a topic of discussion. Being strong and firm in your truth will prove to be your light. It never hurts to start with an open trusting relationship from the start, but the most important person in this situation is the baby. Keep the child in mind when you are faced with adversity, and be respectful to the innocent.
  If you are in this situation and you are one of the ones who feel the female is not caring your love one’s child, my advice to you is; mind your own damn business. Nothing never lives under a blanket the truth will always rear its ugly head. Your job as a friend, family member etc. is to love who and what they love. That’s all. The rest is up to them.-Trina B.
  
  Hushhh Publications. All rights reserved.29-08-09
  

Content To Take The Lead Role: Can A Relationship Survive The Limelight?

• With the long anticipated break of Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian, one has to wonder what went wrong. Some say, “the long distant relationship,” some add.” She was too busy for him,” but most speculate it was her love for the glitz and glamour and his despondency to it. Now—the question that swirls in many minds is, Can a relationship survive if the two are not equally yoked?
  

• Over the years I’m sure we have all heard an elder around us or in the community say, “you have to be equally yoked,” but what does that mean; to most of us below 30 years of age, not a got damn thing.
  

• Experience teaches us in time that “equally yoked” clearly means, be made with the same stuff in the inside. It is difficult for someone to agree with or understand a language they don’t speak, the same goes in relationships. If one person is a workaholic, and the other is a home body, it will not be long before the two worlds collide. Very seldom can opposites truly attract if their differences are what makes the core of them. Yes, it hold true that an introvert paired with extrovert could and do have a long lasting relationship, that’s due to the laws of nature—everything most and do balance. The introvert desires to be the extrovert but is normally to afraid, therefore being coupled with the opposite brings them excitement, and an opportunity to break free and experience new things; that they may have never experienced if they had not joined forces. In contrast the extrovert needs to hold back, the introvert is a calmer, they bring silence when everything else around the extrovert is noisy, Fire and Water.
  

• Now let’s look at “core differences.” Some people adapt to certain surroundings such as, rural living over city life, warm climates over cold, I mean the list goes on. These core differences can ruin a relationship. When you ask someone to change their values and morals opposed to changing characteristics, you will always have discord. This is the difference between “opposite attraction,” and being “equally yoked.”
  

• You must balance each other in morals and values to have a healthy happy relationship. If you don’t, the things you found cute in the beginning will quickly turn into the things you hate. Example, he/she drinks from the milk carton, you believe this to be grotesque. How long before you explode, from this “heinous” act, not long is my guess.
  

• Reggie and Kim are no different, if she loves the camera and he doesn’t, for the sake of love he will try to adapt, (thee ole’ paint over your stripes I call it.) But, in the end you cannot change the heart of you, you are who you are; eventually the paint fades and the zebra reemerges. A lion can never mate with a stripped horse, after some self actualization he/she will soon gallop into the sun in search of his very own zebra, realizing there are plenty of them in the jungle of love and life. -Trina B.

Hushhh Publications. All rights Reserved. 28-8-09